let me ma-roon

of late, i have been finding it hard to find joy in the things i do. i still love to travel. i really do. and everything around me is going on well and i should have nothing to complain about. but i am marooning (that's french for complaining -> go figure) so let me indulge. just a little.

i think im just gg through this "down" period of exchange. maybe its a little of travel fatigue? possibly a teeny-weeny dose of homesickness (i hate to say this, but i dont think i really miss home - home. its more like the comfort and being able to hide away from everything when u really feel like it. but over here, its almost impossible.) or maybe its the inability to express certain thoughts and feelings thats becoming almost suffocating.

but yea. as i said, im still glad to be exactly where i am at the moment, in my room in my hattenheim flat, sitting in front of my laptop, typing away at 3am in the morning. i really want to remember this moment. 17 Apr 2008, 3.01am. i am truly truly grateful to be here, able to experience everything that i have so far, be it good or bad. i dunno wat's in store for me next, but at least for now, i wanna savour this moment. i wanna wake up to a beautiful day, where i can go out and play. and be comfortable and happy with who i am.

ok. thats enuf for now. more importantly, 3 things made my day today (or rather, yesterday)

1. unexpected email from an old fren (i know u are reading this) thanks for the mail. u have NO IDEA how much it means to me to read what u have to say, especially at times like this, when everything is clouded with doubt and uncertainty. it felt good - to know that i still have it in me, to make a difference.

2. conversation with an close fren, who managed to help me sum up my thots and made everything seem so crystal clear. although im still not sure about my final decision, but i know i will always have what u told me to fall back on (and no joke. i have the words u said copied and pasted on my post-it note) and hey. dont be disheartened. have faith. u will find wat u really want to do. just gotta keep believing and not give up hope yea?

3. msn chat with a fren whom i know i can always fall back on. congrats for being the one person i faithfully keep in touch with all this while, throughout my exchange here. anyone who knows me well enough should know im not the most conversational person when it comes to online chatting, but thanks for always taking the initative, being genuinely interested and ever to supportive. yea. if u do come on exchange next sem and things really unfold as u say, we might just be able to see europe together. ha-ha.

and thanks to everyone who reads this blog. its actually quite strange to know that anyone is interested in reading about my life, but yea, i hope my life has been an interesting read so far (:

i wanna wake up tmr being all refreshed. its not a matter of randomness anymore. i have made up my mind. i wanna be happy. from this moment on.

which means no marooning - even if i have 2 more travel backlogs and a few random entries to write (: